You know what would be the perfect gift to give me this year; the gift of understanding without judgment. Understanding works best when it is a two-way street, but unfortunately, prejudices, insecurities, and a plethora of other reasons cause it to not always work that way. Instead of receiving the before mentioned gift, I normally get something that will collect dust on a shelf or doesn’t fit my size or style.
I’m not a Grinch; I love Christmas, but not the whole present exchange thing. As a child, I looked forward to it with fervor. I was taught how to give and there was some fun in that, but I think I was mostly caught up on the receiving part. My perspective has changed since then, but I have difficulty getting people to understand my perspective. There are several types of givers and the type I was exposed to the most as a child shopped for presents despite the stress it created. I got to hear the complaints of , "I have no idea what to get her," or, "He never likes what I get anyway," or "We can't afford that". Maybe that is what caused me to re-evaluate the whole tradition. Do I really want to be the one who adds stress to someone mentally or financially at Christmas time? NO, of course not. Sure there are those who hunt for the perfect gift and know exactly what that is for that special someone. They probably get the purest joy out of the experience. But there are those who have no clue what to buy, but think they have to because isn't that how you show someone you love them? My answer to that is, NO! Okay, so here's the deal. I get the sacrificial type of giving like the characters in O'Henry's story, The Gift of the Magi. They had such an overwhelming love they wanted to buy that perfect gift for each other, so they sacrificed their most prized possession to do it. The sacrifice meant more than the gift, and that was the whole point of the story. If you buy something just because it was on sale are you really understanding the point of giving gifts? Does the recipient need or want what you bought? In O'Henry's story, the gifts weren't just sacrificial, but they were perfect for the receiver. If my loved ones happen to read this blog, I want them to realize that I don't base my love on what you buy or don't buy me. If you run into something someday that has my name written all over it and you really want to buy it for me, then it will make me smile. A gift like that is obvious that you were thinking about me outside the usual times of Christmas or my birthday and that you didn't have an obligation to buy it. It warms my heart when people I love think about me beyond the expected times society or tradition has dictated. If you are shopping to buy because you love to shop and spend money, then think about how your gift will be received. Does the person need or want this? Will the person truly get as much enjoyment out of the gift as you do buying it? Are you expecting some kind of affirmation or returned affection because of the gift? I get the desire to do something you enjoy. I write because I love to write. I also want to share my books with people. That being said, I don't expect people who don't like my books to read or buy them. Giving my books to family and friends who don't normally read the fantasy genre is like me receiving a gift I don't need and really don't like. I won't force my books on people, and I expect the same courtesy from the shopaholic who just has to buy to buy. If that person who likes to shop can't resist spending money, then look for a charity to donate it to. If the purpose of your gift is to put a smile on my face, then donate in my name and tell me what you did. If you give to receive affirmation, then donate to the charity of your choice in your own name. I would much rather see a homeless animal or child have a great Christmas than receive another thing I will have to sell, donate, or throw away someday. When all is said and done, what is the true meaning of Christmas? For some it is much more than just a time to sing carols, bake cookies, decorate, and shop. I feel its true depth when I see someone giving sacrificially or showing love to those who haven't been as fortunate as I have been. So the next time you want to buy me a gift, think about this: There is a bigger picture we should be looking at and when you're too focused on the little stuff, you miss it.
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