As a writer, I try to peel back the different layers of my characters to reveal a variety of traits and personalities. This is to make them interesting. Some call this their onion skin, but I’d rather call it their rose petals. Roses look and smell better. Just like fictional people, there is more to me than what you see on the surface. Since I’m a private person, I don’t like to show all my layers to strangers, but I was told fans like to see past the exterior of the authors they follow. So for the record, I’m a rose, not an onion and I will expose some of my tiers in this blog.
I'm A Private Person
If I could get away with it, I would remain a rosebud closed off to the majority of the world. I would have used a fake name on my book just to avoid writing an author bio and having my face on the back cover. If I had remained anonymous, no one would have known the inner workings of my brain and heart except my editor. It’s scary for me to show others these things. I guess I’m afraid of judgement. Some days I’d rather go to the gynecologist than share anything about myself to outsiders. That may be a little dramatic, but many females should get the point. Going outside my comfort zone has been rewarding, so I keep doing it despite my feelings. You should try it.
If you pull back another petal on my rose, you’ll see I have many personalities. Some are fun and some you may want to avoid. I can be a little silly and crazy. If you read my blog about rolling down the hill, yes, I really did do that in a public place. I can also be snarky and easily frustrated. I try to be kind, and not mistreat people based on my feelings, but since I’m human, I can’t guarantee my attitude is always perfect. I don’t always put my best foot forward, and my mouth can get me into trouble sometimes. Deep down I wish my looks and actions were perfect, but this rose is no prize winner and I'm my worst critic.
Being afraid of other’s casting judgement on me keeps me secretive whenever possible. The older I get, the easier it is to see what is a bogus point of view that is generated by unrealistic expectations, but insecurities still like to seep out. The best thing I can do for myself is accept the imperfections I can’t change, and to not get discouraged with the ones that are difficult to alter. We all have our layers, some pretty, and some not. We shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves, because we're human. It comes with the territory. Just remember no one is as they appear on the outside. We’re all roses!
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